


Til Death Do Us Part

by chucksangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cutting, Depression, F/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 03:39:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8355586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chucksangel/pseuds/chucksangel
Summary: The reader gets sick of life, and Cas finds her when she is about to kill herself.





	

You were standing there, in front of your mirror. Your hair was wet and dripping onto the floor, your towel the only thing covering you. You pull at the roots of your hair, trying not to scream at yourself. You notice the red lines on your wrist, and then break down, sobbing. You watch yourself in the mirror as the thoughts came into your head. 

_Worthless._  
Pathetic.  
Idiot.  
Bitch.  
Murderer.  
Just kill yourself already! 

You went back into your room, and took out the angel blade that Dean had given you. You turn to your mirror, and check the blade on your wrist. 

The skin split open, your crimson blood hiding the gaping wound on your wrist. 

But you still felt nothing. You were numb, not even a bit nervous. Yet you paused nonetheless. 

_What are you waiting for, you worthless bitch?!_

You grip the blade more firmly, and hold it up to your neck. You press the cold metal against your throat and close your eyes. 

You let out a soft apology, and press the blade harder against your neck drawing a droplet of blood. But before you could drag it across your jugular, a firm hand grabbed your wrist and took your blade from you. 

Your eyes open slowly, your face lacking any emotion. 

_Cas._

Castiel was the one who stopped you.

You take your arm back, and punch Cas square in the chest. 

“I want to die!” you scream at him.

Warm tears rushed down your face, just as the blood dripped off your fingers and down your neck. 

It takes you less than a second to compose yourself. “Give me back my blade!” You growl, holding out your hand for it. 

Castiel merely raised an eyebrow and shook his head no. 

“It's my decision to kill myself!” You hiss. 

“And it's my decision to stop you from going to Hell,” Cas simply states. 

“I just want it to end. I want to die!” You cry. 

Cas hugs you tightly, and you continue to cry on his chest. With a gentle tap to your forehead, Cas heals your cuts. 

“Everything is going to be okay y/n. I'm here now.” Cas mutters, calming you. 

He picks you up, and carries you to your bed. Cas gently sets you down, and looks through your drawers for pajamas. He picks out a fluffy pair of pants and a soft, matching long sleeve shirt. He opens your underwear drawer, picks the first one he sees out, then quickly shuts it. Castiel places the clothes next to you.

“I’ll turn around so you can put them on,” Cas tells you. 

Once his back is to you, you swiftly put on the pajamas, discarding your towel. “You can turn around now.” You sniffle.

Castiel turns around, and sits next to you on your bed. 

“Why?” he asks, looking intently in your eyes. 

You look down at your hands, and admit your secrets to him. “I hate myself. I’ve been struggling for years with my depression and-and” your voice breaks. Taking a deep breath, you continue, “And it’s just been too much lately and I’m worthless… I always get in the way during hunts, and they never want me along. I’m useless. I don’t matter. You guys were better without me… and don’t need me. I’m just a thorn in your side. You would easily get over me not being here. I can’t feel anything anymore. I’m just numb-always. I want to feel but I-I-I can’t. And I hate myself for it. Why can’t I just feel?” When you finish ranting, there was silence. Tears dripped off of your cheeks and onto your hands. 

“None of that is true, okay y/n? You are so important to us all, especially me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You always make me laugh, and are a joy to be around. The reason we don’t want you hunting is because we don’t want you to die, not because we think you can’t handle yourself or will get in the way. I know that you are a very capable hunter, and that’s why Dean gave you your angel blade. Not to kill yourself, but to better defend yourself.” Cas replies, gently wiping away your tears. 

“I can’t feel anything anymore!” you cry. 

Castiel picks you up, letting your head rest on his chest. He moves so he was leaning against the wall, and you were curled up in his lap. You continue to sob, while Cas simply strokes your hair and whispers how everything would be okay. 

After a while, you couldn’t continue to cry. You tear ducts had dried up, and you felt utterly disgusting. You slid off of Castiel’s lap and into the bathroom, blowing your nose to clean yourself up.You splashed cold water on your face, and jumped when you saw Castiel behind you in the mirror. 

“I didn’t mean to-” he begins. 

You turn around and finish his sentence, “Startle me. I know.” 

You look down at your feet and shift your weight, and decide to speak up. “Cas, will you stay with me?” You hesitantly gaze up into his sapphire blue eyes. 

He smiles warmly and replies, “I would do anything for you.” 

You feel something in the pit of your stomach. Happiness? Probably not. Love? 

You take his hand and lead him to bed, crawling under the covers. Castiel momentarily transports out of your room, and before you can get upset, he comes back wearing a white t shirt and shorts. Cas slides under the covers with you, and hold you in his arms. You curl up next to him, and listen to the rhythm of his heart. Eventually, you drift off and sleep. For once, you aren’t terrorized by nightmares.


End file.
